Sometimes I miss you with a visceral realism that knocks me breathlessly back a step or two.

I know that it has been many moons since we were officially... But we had remained friends. I could reach out to you - share with you - laugh with you - talk with you - hope FOR you.

And now.... How often do I find myself thinking ... $$&&@@ would like this... $$&&@@ would find this delicious.... $$&&@@ would laugh is deep booming belly laugh at this... ?

@@&&@@ would touch my hand and know me in this...

We gambled and we lost... But more than the loss of a love affair... Your sudden withdrawal from my life feels unfinished. I feel the loss of my friend deep into my bones.

In many ways more than I felt my divorce. With my divorce I felt angry, I felt betrayed, I felt scared, I felt uncertain, I felt bereft.

This... here... I feel the loss of possibility... I feel the loss of hope.

I feel the loss of you.

I cannot help but hope that you read this... And know that whatever it was that made you draw back and draw away... I hope it drew you to the peace and love you sought.